“To listen well is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation.”
Chinese Proverb
“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes
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What is listening?
Listening is a form of communication that relates to our ability to pay attention. As humans, we communicate. It then follows that the urge for expression requires a space to deliver such expressions to, however aware this space may be. Listening, or being listened to, provides the room in which to fulfill this psychological nature; the urge to be heard, acknowledged, validated, or even criticized. Such room could be within the self, or external to I.
Within human relations, when a person writes, speaks or gestures, he/she is listened to in varying degrees. In a first situation, such a person might be completely ignored, or made to believe that they are being heard. Similarly, this individual might be hearkened, yet selectively. In these cases, the listener is typically preoccupied with one or more of the following:
1. Evaluating and making judgments in thought, based on personal beliefs or paradigms, about the speaker and his/her words.
2. Misinterpreting the behavior and motive of the speaker, without seeking clarification.
3. Formulating a response or counsel based on personal experience, and listening to the speaker mainly to find an opening to speak.
4. Thinking about things pertaining to unrelated issues.
In an ideal case, however, the speaker is given space, with the intent of the listener resting upon real comprehension. The listener is genuinely interested in understanding the expressions of the speaker, in getting inside of the speaker's frame of reference. In such a case the listener is present, influenced by the speaker, and for the moment moved, or even changed. Such manner of listening uses not only reasoning, but also intuition.
What does it mean to be present?
Presence is a broad concept. Simply put, it is being here, being there. For the purpose of this essay, the writer confines presence to the realm of listening: It is the ability to provide “an other” (be it objects, events, places, people etc.) with deliberate attention; to reach out, to link and understand the state of affairs between segments and their entirety. It can be considered a state of mind with a motionless focus and acknowledgment on fluid, passing instants. Realistically and individually, the degree of presence varies moment to moment due to external events or internal processes.
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